The Big Sea of Misunderstanding

Last night I got kind of ganged up on for not having legally terminated my marriage with Karin before moving on. I got the "it's a sacred bond" kind of pitch. And it felt like I was being put in a corner and preached to. The fact is, when two people enter into a marriage it's a very personal thing. And when you're gay and in a bi-national relationship sometimes it takes on a different meaning and becomes not just about love, but about practicalities. Sure, Karin and I loved each other, but the marriage was more about me being able to legally stay in Germany (and us being able to legally live in the same place together) than it was about a celebration of our love. And we were both on the same page with that. Nobody came to the wedding; it was pretty bureaucratic. Anyway, my reaction to the implication that I was negligent or disrespectful or whatever must have been a bit too real because I got accused of being too direct for the millionth time since I moved back to the States. The thing is, the marriage was a solution to years of logistical/immigration problems for Karin and me, but people don't want to hear about that. They'd rather do a little holier-than-thou dance about how their idea of marriage is more pure than yours.

One more thing: this conversation was with nobody you know, dear blog readers -- friends of a friend.

As a side note: Sometimes I feel like it's just so hard to get people to understand where I'm coming from. It almost makes me want to stop talking. And this is all in English! One of the main reasons I left Germany is that I felt like I was at the bottom of a mountain in terms of being able to communicate with any kind of fidelity. Here I am in the U.S. and sometimes it still feels like I just can't connect.

Time for some Wabi-Sabi, I guess -- the Japanese art of honoring the imperfect.